so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
