Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
