Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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