Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize