I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
