He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
