just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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