she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
