Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
