Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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