FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's shark week go big or go home
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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