The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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