why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
