dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish I only lived at night.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
