the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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