I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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