I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
