dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
