Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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