JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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