If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
