So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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