you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
