just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
