I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
