her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
