I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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