We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize