There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
