You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
