I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
