i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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