I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
