Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
