I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Dear god my vagina.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
