I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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