watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize