Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
