If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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