Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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