I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
