Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
