yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
