Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
