You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
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I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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