Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
