And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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