we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
