I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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