We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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