so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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