is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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