Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
