3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
