Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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